Short Story: The Wooden Thing

April 6, 2012 § Leave a comment

The Wooden Thing

‘So where is it?’

‘It’s escaped again; there’re teabags all over the kitchen.’

‘Again?’

‘It found the bloody spare key.’

‘I’m devastated, like something’s broken inside me.’

‘I hid it right at the bottom of the jar.’

‘There’s an invisible monster punching me in the stomach; I’m going to throw up.’

‘That’s the cocktails, you’re being dramatic. Get off the floor.’

‘I can’t cope with the disappointment; it’s really gone?’

‘Don’t worry, the mischievous bastard’s always escaping.’

‘Oh! You didn’t say.’

‘Would you have come if I had?’

‘Maybe, maybe not.’

<<<

‘Not without your seatbelt on.’

‘I’m too excited.’

‘Sit back at least.’

‘How far is your place?’

‘It might be sleeping you know.’

‘Not for long.’

‘And it doesn’t like being woken up.’

‘Is it big?’

‘You sure you’ve never seen one before?’

‘Never! I think it’s unique. Where did you say you found it?’

‘I didn’t. Do you mind keeping your head inside.’

<<<

‘Inside? As in you never let it out?’

‘It can be a bit wild.’

‘I like wild. Don’t just look at it, neck it. It’s my round.’

‘If I drink another I’ll drown.’

‘We’ve only had three.’

‘Aren’t you drunk?’

‘I’m really trying but I still can’t picture it.’

‘Well it’s kind of, you know, it’s hard to describe.’

‘Do you have a photo?’

‘The little swine wont stay still. Camera shy I think.’

‘It sounds adorable.’

‘I really got mad at it before I came out.’

‘It must be hard, just the two of you.’

‘That’s why I was sad.’

<<<

‘Sad face for the lonely race?’

‘Are you drunk?’

‘Glass of wine tipsy, Scouts Promise.’

‘No one ever starts a conversation with me.’

‘The blue outfit caught my eye. Charlie.’

‘Danny.’

‘Your hand is freezing.’

‘I’ve been cold for a month.’

‘It’s August?’

‘Can’t shake the chill.’

‘You need Sex on the Beach.’

‘In Scunthorpe?’

‘One large Sex on the Beach, two straws, the big curly ones please.’

<<<

‘Please, I’m begging you-

Four weeks now and nada-

Don’t look at me like that. That didn’t count-

All you’ve done is eat cheese. There was a whole ball of mozzarella in the fridge yesterday; I was going to make a pizza-

Listen, I’m giving you one more chance and then I’m googling wood chippers-

Knew that’d get your attention. So, red or blue?-

Roll forward for yes and backwards for no-

My bad, should I wear the blue one?-

Was that forward or backwards, I can’t tell if you’re even looking at me-

Bloody hell, just roll towards me for yes-

Blue? Really, I’ve always liked the red.’

END

This is my entry into Studio360′s Significant Objects flash fiction competition. Significant Objects is a project to make insignificant objects significant through fiction – there are some great examples online and they have published a book. My favourite story so far is Wooden Apple Core by Heidi Julavits. 

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